Sex - A Candid Convo Part 4 (Sky94 Service) [Listen Here]
As you can see, I'm a little behind in these sermons. This is from two Sundays ago and is the final part of the Sex sermon series. The set up for this sermon was rather unique, as it was a not so much a sermon as an interview. At the beginning of this sermon series, we - as the congregation - wrote down/texted questions about the topic of sex. The purpose of this sermon was to answer those questions from a Biblical perspective. Because of how this sermon was set up, it will be very difficult for me to summarize.
That said, I strongly recommend you just listen to the sermon online. I so strongly recommend it, that I'm even going to link it on this blog. To listen, Click Here. Pastor Garlow and Dr. Welsh answer some interesting questions, but the constant topic changes and bridging between topics makes this a sermon that really can't come across well in text.
However, I still have things to say about it myself. If you're extremely interested in my opinion of the sermon or just want the quick bullet points on it that I plan to give you, you can continue reading. Otherwise, just click the link and don't worry about the rest of this post.
The first question of the night pertained to whether or not hand jobs were considered sex. Dr. Welsh's response was that hands jobs are a form of sex. Instead of referring directly to his Bible, Dr. Welsh looked first to the biology behind this answer. Physiologically speaking, this act has the same effects on the body and the brain as sex does. The same hormones and neurons are triggered; therefore, as far as your brain is concerned, you're having sex.
Pulling in another topic of the night, pornography was also discussed. Is porn bad? The answer is yes. Looking deeper into the rational, it covers more than porn. This applies to molestation, rape, incest, and many other such topics. When the brain sees or experiences something, a process takes place called imprinting. Essentially, when the brain finds itself experiencing a similar situation to something in the past, it will dredge up what it felt or saw in the past. Dr. Welsh said that many women who discover their husbands are addicted to porn say that it feels to them as though he was cheating on her. Men who consistently use porn, or have in the past, find that those images come into their head during sex. This goes back to imprinting. No wonder those women feel as though their husbands are cheating on them. Now there are many other reasons porn is bad, but the imprinting is really what I want to touch on here.
This imprinting concept also works with dating. The way Dr. Welsh put it was that for every person you date, you leave a little bit of yourself with them even after you breakup. Now this sounds cliche, but biologically speaking its an accurate statement. You have a little bit of everyone you dated before imprinted in your Hypothalamus and you're imprinted in theirs. As far as sex goes, because of imprinting, your brain will compare every sexual experience with ones you've had previously. With every partner, your chances of being satisfied for life drop as the competition rises with each time. In addition, bad experiences with sex - this is where molestation, rape, incest, a bad relationship, etc come in - affect your ability to be fulfilled, because the brain reacts to the current situation, even if it is a good one - as it did the previous one.
As a Biology major, I found this all extremely interesting and quite compelling. In an earlier post, I mentioned something about how God made you, so he knows how what will make you most sexually fulfilled. For me, this proved that point. These Biblical truths about dating and sex aren't just arbitrary rules on how things should be; they're based in the very biological makeup of the human species.
On a completely unrelated note, there was one more thing from the sermon that I would like to bring up. It stemmed from the question: if the average marriage age is in your late twenties nowadays, why is the sex drive so strong before that, when you can't even "use it"? The quick answer to that is it's a cultural issue. The marriage age has historically been much earlier in life. Regardless, the point that I wanted to make with this was that Pastor Garlow mentioned something that I very much agree with. In general, people don't get married not because the girl doesn't want to, but because the guy doesn't want to. [Note from the author of this blog: The phrase, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" comes to mind.] Therefore, ladies, if women started saying no to sex and made the man marry her first, that marriage age will drop pretty quickly.
There was much more to this sermon, so I hope you listen to it. Yesterday's sermon will be coming as soon as possible.
Showing posts with label Sex: A Candid Convo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex: A Candid Convo. Show all posts
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 3 (Sunday, November 28, 2010)
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 3 (Sky94 Service) [Listen Here]
In this sermon, we walked - or more like sprinted - through the Song of Solomon. For those of you who don't know, this book is about the relationship between Abishag and Solomon. It is considered the Biblical word on marriage and union. The goal of this sermon, in the words of Pastor Garlow, is to plant a dream in your heart, and that this dream will inspire you to save yourself for marriage so that you can receive this dream in its fullest.
I'll start this off by listing the major events in the Song of Solomon; however, I don't plan to go chronologically through the book. Instead, I want to give you an overview of what literally takes place and then go over concepts you should take away from the book. I apologize now if this winds up choppy and hard to follow, buy I pray God will intercede and make this make some sort of sense.
Chronology of The Song of Solomon (as given in my sermon outline):
The Wedding Day (1:1-14)
The Bridal Chamber (1:15-2:7)
A Time of Preparation (2:8-3:5)
The Wedding Procession (3:6-11)
The Wedding Night (4:1-5:1)
A Dream of Love Refused (5:2-8)
Solving Sexual Problems (5:9-6:13)
Dance of the Mahanaim (6:13-8:4)
Vacation in the Country (8:5-14)
If any of you wish to read further into any of those topics, the chapters and verses they can be found are in parenthesis next to the topic. Now, I want to delve straight into principles that you should take away from this book - and more importantly this "dream" that was mentioned earlier.
Principles for a Relationship
This book is essentially just that a collection of principles for a relationship. My goal is to give an overview of these, and then look a little more deeply into them as necessary.
The first of these principles is the value of friendship. More importantly, the importance of friendship before intercourse. Hollywood often portrays these relationships where a man and woman who don't even know each other have sex and then a relationship develops from there. This shatters the design by God - and is frankly a load of crap. For true sexual fulfillment or complete oneness and a good relationship, first a deep friendship must form. In Song of Solomon 4:9a, Solomon says to Abishag:
The second principle is that it is the man's job to do the initiating. In the context of nowadays, that would mean acts like picking the girl up for the date and paying for the date. Now, I have more than one female friend who would blatantly object to this point. However, I see it as sort of a test of the character of the man. Even today with the rise of independent women, there are few women out there who wouldn't want a man to show he actually cares to take the initiative in the relationship. In the author of this blog's opinion, it's a sign of maturity.
The third principle involves two parts. First, let's go outside of Song of Solomon momentarily and take a look at Hebrews 13:4, which states:
The fourth principle is trust. I'll start by saying that trust is the number one foundation for a relationship. A relationship is to be built on trust, and without trust a relationship is bound to fail. In Song of Solomon 2:16a Abishag says:
The fifth principle is less of a principle and more of an observation. This book is written half from Abishag's perspective and half from Solomon's. The focus of their respective writings differ quite dramatically. Abishag focuses greatly on Solomon's character. Though later she does go into a description of how he looks and her physical attraction to him, she greatly focuses on who Solomon is. Solomon, on the other hand, spends most of his half describing - in detail - her body and her beauty. Just some food for thought, as well as possible insight into the difference between the female and male mind.
The sixth principle comes from an observation of Abishag. In the book, she really wants to please Solomon. From that observation, Pastor Garlow made this assertion. A man is not ready to marry until making his woman's happy is more important to him than his own happiness. The reverse is also true. A woman is not ready to marry until her man's happiness is more important to her than her own.
The seventh principle is about communication. Communication between two people in a relationship should be very open and very clear. Your significant other should know all your weaknesses, your inner most thoughts, everything. As stated before, a relationship is built on trust, and secrets destroy trust.
The eighth principle is that the man must always be patient with his woman. This book really stresses the importance of patience from the man. He is to show his woman tenderness and support and should not lose patience with her.
The ninth principle is to focus on meeting each others needs. This one goes a bit hand and hand with principle six, but here I want to look at a specific passage. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 states:
The tenth principle is that refraining from sex should drive you towards marriage. Basically, it's okay to want to get married to have sex. The marriage bed is undefiled. God made you to want to have sex. At the same time, the author of this blog strongly encourages you to read principle eleven (the part about the prerequisite to marriage) and keep in mind principle one.
The eleventh principle is a warning against premarital sex. Now this is where the whole God is a cosmic killjoy thing comes in. He's not. Sex is supposed to follow marriage, not because God wants to kill all the fun of sex, but because he has a dream for you - the same dream that this sermon is meant to inspire. Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment (this was mentioned in the last post if I recall correctly - if not, it was the one before it). Remember that trust thing? The foundation of a relationship has to be based on trust. When you can share every one of your weaknesses with a person, and that person is willing to accept you in all your weakness, that is when you are to marry. And then comes the sex. Because the marriage bed is undefiled, it is a place of reckless abandon, and only in full trust can it be fully enjoyed. However, remember principle three? I stand by Pastor Garlow's statement the if that line is crossed before marriage, it becomes much easier to cross it after marriage. How can you really trust someone if they've crossed that line already? [Note from the author of this blog: I want to take a moment to say there is such thing as spiritual virginity. If you've already crossed that line, it's not like it's over for you. But that is something between you, God, and your significant other (at this point I have no other advice on how to seek out this spiritual purity other than talk to your pastor - or read next weeks post and hope it's in there). Having heard/read this message, you are now responsible for your actions and can make choices that you may not have known existed previously. With that in mind, you can have a new life, but that also means you can't just shrug this off as "oh well, I can always ask for forgiveness later." It doesn't work that way. John 9:41: Jesus said to them, "If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you say, ‘We see.’ Therefore your sin remains."] The trust built by saving yourself for marriage is a huge gift to the person you're marrying. By choosing virginity until marriage, you are laying a foundation of trust that is of immeasurable importance to your future together. And hopefully, you significant other will have had the forethought to present you with the same gift. (There's that dream again)
The twelfth and final principle pertains to the needs of men and women. Again, while recognizing that there is an exception to almost every rule, in general, men need respect and women need tenderness. The male ego is very fragile (This is a paraphrase of Pastor Garlow, it's only not in italics because I don't feel confident enough in the wording to "quote" him.) It's important, ladies, to show your man respect and show him he is special to you. On the other hand, women need tenderness. Gentlemen, this is where the patience comes in. Never force her into something, because it won't result in what you want. A woman is to be treated tenderly and coaxed, never forced.
So that was our sprint through the Song of Solomon. Pastor Garlow asserts that a year's worth of sermons (that's fifty-two sermons) could be taught on the Song of Solomon and you would repeat yourself hardly at all, so this is a very brief overview. I (and Pastor Garlow) hope this planted a dream in your heart - a dream for a relationship like nothing you could imagine. Now this is much better heard in person, and I urge anyone who wasn't there to go to the Skyline Church sermon archives and listen to this sermon for themselves, because Pastor Garlow does an amazing job of really personifying the love between Solomon and Abishag. I don't know about everyone else who was there, but he certainly had me thinking, that is what I want. Still, if these words are all you read, I hope you walk away from this wanting a true love and a pure love, like what God wants for you. Not a superficial and soiled love like what this world puts on a pedestal. If so, I hope this gave you a few practical ways to ensure you get the most out of your relationship. And remember above all else. This relationship thing is a triangle, with God at the apex. The closer you and your significant other are to God, the shorter the distance between the two of you.
In this sermon, we walked - or more like sprinted - through the Song of Solomon. For those of you who don't know, this book is about the relationship between Abishag and Solomon. It is considered the Biblical word on marriage and union. The goal of this sermon, in the words of Pastor Garlow, is to plant a dream in your heart, and that this dream will inspire you to save yourself for marriage so that you can receive this dream in its fullest.
I'll start this off by listing the major events in the Song of Solomon; however, I don't plan to go chronologically through the book. Instead, I want to give you an overview of what literally takes place and then go over concepts you should take away from the book. I apologize now if this winds up choppy and hard to follow, buy I pray God will intercede and make this make some sort of sense.
Chronology of The Song of Solomon (as given in my sermon outline):
The Wedding Day (1:1-14)
The Bridal Chamber (1:15-2:7)
A Time of Preparation (2:8-3:5)
The Wedding Procession (3:6-11)
The Wedding Night (4:1-5:1)
A Dream of Love Refused (5:2-8)
Solving Sexual Problems (5:9-6:13)
Dance of the Mahanaim (6:13-8:4)
Vacation in the Country (8:5-14)
If any of you wish to read further into any of those topics, the chapters and verses they can be found are in parenthesis next to the topic. Now, I want to delve straight into principles that you should take away from this book - and more importantly this "dream" that was mentioned earlier.
Principles for a Relationship
This book is essentially just that a collection of principles for a relationship. My goal is to give an overview of these, and then look a little more deeply into them as necessary.
The first of these principles is the value of friendship. More importantly, the importance of friendship before intercourse. Hollywood often portrays these relationships where a man and woman who don't even know each other have sex and then a relationship develops from there. This shatters the design by God - and is frankly a load of crap. For true sexual fulfillment or complete oneness and a good relationship, first a deep friendship must form. In Song of Solomon 4:9a, Solomon says to Abishag:
You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride (NIV)If the "my sister" thing freaks you out, let me explain. In calling her his sister, he is referring to her as his sister in God. He is showing her respect, that she is more than an object to him. This shows their friendship, the respect they have for one another and how they value each other for more than just a sexual desire.
The second principle is that it is the man's job to do the initiating. In the context of nowadays, that would mean acts like picking the girl up for the date and paying for the date. Now, I have more than one female friend who would blatantly object to this point. However, I see it as sort of a test of the character of the man. Even today with the rise of independent women, there are few women out there who wouldn't want a man to show he actually cares to take the initiative in the relationship. In the author of this blog's opinion, it's a sign of maturity.
The third principle involves two parts. First, let's go outside of Song of Solomon momentarily and take a look at Hebrews 13:4, which states:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)Take two things away from this. One, that the marriage bed (unless soiled by adultery) is pure. Some might try to tell you there is shame in intercourse [Note from the author of this blog: I have been asked in the past "Why is it that sex is a sin, yet the only way to have children is through sex." At the time, I was so stunned by that statement I didn't know what to say other than, "The Bible doesn't say sex is a sin." When I think of movies like Carrie where the mother is phobic about anything having to do sex, I can see where this person picked up that myth and I don't believe she is the only one who is under that misconception], but the Bible certainly says otherwise. Keep this in mind, because this idea will come up later in this discussion. The second thing to take away from this passage is the idea of adultery. This passage warns very blatantly against it. One thing Pastor Garlow said, that I think holds a lot of merit is that if you cross that line before marriage (have extramarital sex), it'll be much easier to break it after marriage (the result being an affair). This is where a dream should be sprouting in your head. I can't think of a person who wants their spouse to cheat on them. So I urge you to keep the marriage bed pure, because doing so will make you a loyal husband/wife and give you a long, fulfilling marriage.
The fourth principle is trust. I'll start by saying that trust is the number one foundation for a relationship. A relationship is to be built on trust, and without trust a relationship is bound to fail. In Song of Solomon 2:16a Abishag says:
My beloved is mine and I am his (NIV)In a relationship built on trust, there is confidence and there is security. Pastor Garlow stated - and suggested Don Welsh might go into deeper the science behind this next week for those interested - that the number one sex organ is the brain (makes sense in my opinion) and that the most essential emotion felt by the brain is trust. Therefore, it make a lot of sense why trust is so important to a relationship. Now keep this trust thing in mind, because it's going to come up again.
The fifth principle is less of a principle and more of an observation. This book is written half from Abishag's perspective and half from Solomon's. The focus of their respective writings differ quite dramatically. Abishag focuses greatly on Solomon's character. Though later she does go into a description of how he looks and her physical attraction to him, she greatly focuses on who Solomon is. Solomon, on the other hand, spends most of his half describing - in detail - her body and her beauty. Just some food for thought, as well as possible insight into the difference between the female and male mind.
The sixth principle comes from an observation of Abishag. In the book, she really wants to please Solomon. From that observation, Pastor Garlow made this assertion. A man is not ready to marry until making his woman's happy is more important to him than his own happiness. The reverse is also true. A woman is not ready to marry until her man's happiness is more important to her than her own.
The seventh principle is about communication. Communication between two people in a relationship should be very open and very clear. Your significant other should know all your weaknesses, your inner most thoughts, everything. As stated before, a relationship is built on trust, and secrets destroy trust.
The eighth principle is that the man must always be patient with his woman. This book really stresses the importance of patience from the man. He is to show his woman tenderness and support and should not lose patience with her.
The ninth principle is to focus on meeting each others needs. This one goes a bit hand and hand with principle six, but here I want to look at a specific passage. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 states:
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NIV)[Note from the author of this blog: Doing a little research on this passage - which consisted of reading the footnotes in my Bible, so don't get impressed or anything - Paul is answering some questions sent to him from the church in Corinth. His answer here is very specific to this city, because it was a city known for having excessively immoral - especially in terms of sexual immorality. I'd say that fits our nation and our generation perfectly wouldn't you? I'm not saying that to be accusatory or anything, merely that this passage really fits the situation we've found ourselves in now.] I want to draw your attention specifically to the part that begins with "The wife does not have authority over...." It says only to abstain from sex for a time in order to focus on prayer, but that you must only do so for a short time, so that Satan does not tempt you. Both men and women have needs sexually. That's okay, God designed us that way. (The marriage bed is undefiled). Not meeting each other needs is against God's plan and can actually lead to adultery. This was a bit surprising to me, I'll admit; however, keeping in mind how God designed us, and how the devil loves to take advantage of our natural weaknesses, it really shouldn't have.
The tenth principle is that refraining from sex should drive you towards marriage. Basically, it's okay to want to get married to have sex. The marriage bed is undefiled. God made you to want to have sex. At the same time, the author of this blog strongly encourages you to read principle eleven (the part about the prerequisite to marriage) and keep in mind principle one.
The eleventh principle is a warning against premarital sex. Now this is where the whole God is a cosmic killjoy thing comes in. He's not. Sex is supposed to follow marriage, not because God wants to kill all the fun of sex, but because he has a dream for you - the same dream that this sermon is meant to inspire. Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment (this was mentioned in the last post if I recall correctly - if not, it was the one before it). Remember that trust thing? The foundation of a relationship has to be based on trust. When you can share every one of your weaknesses with a person, and that person is willing to accept you in all your weakness, that is when you are to marry. And then comes the sex. Because the marriage bed is undefiled, it is a place of reckless abandon, and only in full trust can it be fully enjoyed. However, remember principle three? I stand by Pastor Garlow's statement the if that line is crossed before marriage, it becomes much easier to cross it after marriage. How can you really trust someone if they've crossed that line already? [Note from the author of this blog: I want to take a moment to say there is such thing as spiritual virginity. If you've already crossed that line, it's not like it's over for you. But that is something between you, God, and your significant other (at this point I have no other advice on how to seek out this spiritual purity other than talk to your pastor - or read next weeks post and hope it's in there). Having heard/read this message, you are now responsible for your actions and can make choices that you may not have known existed previously. With that in mind, you can have a new life, but that also means you can't just shrug this off as "oh well, I can always ask for forgiveness later." It doesn't work that way. John 9:41: Jesus said to them, "If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you say, ‘We see.’ Therefore your sin remains."] The trust built by saving yourself for marriage is a huge gift to the person you're marrying. By choosing virginity until marriage, you are laying a foundation of trust that is of immeasurable importance to your future together. And hopefully, you significant other will have had the forethought to present you with the same gift. (There's that dream again)
The twelfth and final principle pertains to the needs of men and women. Again, while recognizing that there is an exception to almost every rule, in general, men need respect and women need tenderness. The male ego is very fragile (This is a paraphrase of Pastor Garlow, it's only not in italics because I don't feel confident enough in the wording to "quote" him.) It's important, ladies, to show your man respect and show him he is special to you. On the other hand, women need tenderness. Gentlemen, this is where the patience comes in. Never force her into something, because it won't result in what you want. A woman is to be treated tenderly and coaxed, never forced.
So that was our sprint through the Song of Solomon. Pastor Garlow asserts that a year's worth of sermons (that's fifty-two sermons) could be taught on the Song of Solomon and you would repeat yourself hardly at all, so this is a very brief overview. I (and Pastor Garlow) hope this planted a dream in your heart - a dream for a relationship like nothing you could imagine. Now this is much better heard in person, and I urge anyone who wasn't there to go to the Skyline Church sermon archives and listen to this sermon for themselves, because Pastor Garlow does an amazing job of really personifying the love between Solomon and Abishag. I don't know about everyone else who was there, but he certainly had me thinking, that is what I want. Still, if these words are all you read, I hope you walk away from this wanting a true love and a pure love, like what God wants for you. Not a superficial and soiled love like what this world puts on a pedestal. If so, I hope this gave you a few practical ways to ensure you get the most out of your relationship. And remember above all else. This relationship thing is a triangle, with God at the apex. The closer you and your significant other are to God, the shorter the distance between the two of you.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 2 (Sunday, November 21, 2010)
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 2 (Sky94 Service) [Listen Here]
The second part of this sermon series - really the first part of the core sermon - started with a closer look at the creation story. I'll preface this by saying that what I'm sharing is not the "traditional" interpretation of the creation story and there are many pastors out there who would disagree with this interpretation. However, Pastor Garlow as well as the author of this blog believe the evidence presented in the Bible would point more toward the interpretation I'm about to share.
If you remember from last post, we looked at Genesis 1:26 very briefly, which says:
Genesis 2:7 states:
Further showing this is the name "El Shaddai." El Shaddai is one of the names for God. "El" means "mighty one" (the strength associated with the male gender). "Shaddai" means "the one who sustains me" (the tenderness associated with the female gender). This name, El Shaddai, encompasses the full spectrum of who God is. Therefore, a human created in His image would be neither male nor female. This human would represent the full spectrum of God - both the strength and the tenderness.
However, then we get to Genesis 2:18, which says:
Now, the traditional interpretation of the creation story says that God created Adam and then from Adam he created Eve. However, Pastor Garlow asserts that God created adam (a human that was neither male nor female) and from adam took out the female side of the spectrum, leaving the male side (thus, creating Eve and Adam).
This would explain the attraction felt between a man and a woman. As a single person, you are not the full spectrum of God, so there is a hunger stamped your heart to become so.
Changing topics slightly, let's look at marriage. Marriage is meant to be a covenant between a man and a woman. It is a commitment for eternity. In coming together as one flesh, the man and woman now operate as one - as the full spectrum of God. In the book of Revelation, a metaphor is established. It sets up an image of Jesus and the church coming together in a Marriage (note the capital M). Let's pause for a moment. What does that mean? Jesus and the church coming together in a Marriage? How does that even work? I for one can't really picture it. God knew we wouldn't be able to wrap our minds around this concept. This is why He set up marriage (with a lowercase m) between a man and a woman. Now, we, as humans, can better understand the Marriage between Jesus and the church to come. While it's impossible to wrap our mind around exact what this Marriage entails, if we look at what God intended marriage to be, it's easier to understand.
On that note, let's look at the importance of marriage. Marriage is a sacred covenant, and, through this marriage, humans are able to emulate the full spectrum of God. It is also the metaphor God uses to represent the Marriage between Jesus and the church. What better for Satan to destroy than this? Cut off humans from being complete - the full expression of the image of God - and, as a result, cut them off from God. If what comes to mind when people think of a marriage is the 50% divorce rate, their own broken family, their own broken marriage, the affair they're having, or the unfaithfulness that the media seems to so wistfully encourage, how can they even begin to understand Marriage? There's some food for thought, I guess.
The final topic of this sermon is the twelve steps of bonding. This is an idea originally proposed by Desmond Morris and it goes through the steps taken in a relationship. If the steps are taken in the intended order, it leads to a fulfilling relationship and this "maximum sexual fulfillment" that is the overarching theme of this sermon series.
Stage One of this process is called "Leaving." Basically, this is when individuals are no longer content with clinging to their parents and begin to pursue a member of the opposite sex.
Step 1: Eye to Body (When two individuals see each other's bodies)
Step 2: Eye to Eye (When two individuals notice each other)
Step 3: Voice to Voice (Now communication begins)
The next steps fall into Stage Two, which is called "Cleaving." This is when an individual begins to cling to the member of the opposite sex.
Step 4: Hand to Hand (aka holding hands)
Step 5: Arm to Shoulder (Putting your arm around the other person's shoulder)
Step 6: Arm to Waist (While Step 5 is a very openly used method of physical contact, putting your arm around someone else's waist has deep connotations toward a relationship and would not be used with someone you knew only causally)
Now we move on to Stage Three, which is "Advanced Cleaving."
Step 7: Face to Face (This is commonly referred to as kissing)
Step 8: Hand to Head (Touching someone else's face is generally reserved for a relationship setting or special occasions such as in a doctor-patient relationship or even for someone like a hairdresser)
Step 9: Hand to Body (We'll look at this more closely in the next sermon)
This is where the marriage line is drawn. Any relationship outside marriage is not to pass Step 9. However, in the context of covenantal marriage, we move onto Stage Four, which is "Naked."
Step 10: Breasts (This is where the male fascination with a woman's breast comes in)
Step 11: Hand to Privates
The last stage (Stage Five) is called "One Flesh."
Step 12: Intercourse
With that, I'll finish up this post. The next sermon will be a look into Song of Solomon.
The second part of this sermon series - really the first part of the core sermon - started with a closer look at the creation story. I'll preface this by saying that what I'm sharing is not the "traditional" interpretation of the creation story and there are many pastors out there who would disagree with this interpretation. However, Pastor Garlow as well as the author of this blog believe the evidence presented in the Bible would point more toward the interpretation I'm about to share.
If you remember from last post, we looked at Genesis 1:26 very briefly, which says:
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”(NIV)The Hebrew word used for "mankind" in this passage is the word "adam" (pronounced ah-dom), which in the Hebrew language would be translated to mean humankind in general. By using the word "adam" this passage is saying, "Then God said, Let us make humans (or a human) in our image...."
Genesis 2:7 states:
Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. (NIV)Here, the word used for "man" is also "adam." Literally, this would translate as "Then the LORD God formed a human..." It does not designate that this "human" is male or female. In fact, in a moment I will explain why it's most likely this human is neither male nor female. As stated in Genesis 1:26, God created "adam" in His own image. What is the "image of God"? Is God male or female? Well, He's neither male nor female. The full spectrum of God includes strength - usually associated with the male gender - and tenderness - usually associated with the female gender. (Note: While it is understood that men can be "tender" and women can be "strong," historically and stereotypically speaking these terms are associated with their respective gender)
Further showing this is the name "El Shaddai." El Shaddai is one of the names for God. "El" means "mighty one" (the strength associated with the male gender). "Shaddai" means "the one who sustains me" (the tenderness associated with the female gender). This name, El Shaddai, encompasses the full spectrum of who God is. Therefore, a human created in His image would be neither male nor female. This human would represent the full spectrum of God - both the strength and the tenderness.
However, then we get to Genesis 2:18, which says:
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”(NIV)Again, the word "adam" is used here. God decides that humankind is not meant to exist alone (this says a lot about the image of God as well), so he takes out a portion of this human and creates a woman. What is left is a man.
Now, the traditional interpretation of the creation story says that God created Adam and then from Adam he created Eve. However, Pastor Garlow asserts that God created adam (a human that was neither male nor female) and from adam took out the female side of the spectrum, leaving the male side (thus, creating Eve and Adam).
This would explain the attraction felt between a man and a woman. As a single person, you are not the full spectrum of God, so there is a hunger stamped your heart to become so.
Changing topics slightly, let's look at marriage. Marriage is meant to be a covenant between a man and a woman. It is a commitment for eternity. In coming together as one flesh, the man and woman now operate as one - as the full spectrum of God. In the book of Revelation, a metaphor is established. It sets up an image of Jesus and the church coming together in a Marriage (note the capital M). Let's pause for a moment. What does that mean? Jesus and the church coming together in a Marriage? How does that even work? I for one can't really picture it. God knew we wouldn't be able to wrap our minds around this concept. This is why He set up marriage (with a lowercase m) between a man and a woman. Now, we, as humans, can better understand the Marriage between Jesus and the church to come. While it's impossible to wrap our mind around exact what this Marriage entails, if we look at what God intended marriage to be, it's easier to understand.
On that note, let's look at the importance of marriage. Marriage is a sacred covenant, and, through this marriage, humans are able to emulate the full spectrum of God. It is also the metaphor God uses to represent the Marriage between Jesus and the church. What better for Satan to destroy than this? Cut off humans from being complete - the full expression of the image of God - and, as a result, cut them off from God. If what comes to mind when people think of a marriage is the 50% divorce rate, their own broken family, their own broken marriage, the affair they're having, or the unfaithfulness that the media seems to so wistfully encourage, how can they even begin to understand Marriage? There's some food for thought, I guess.
The final topic of this sermon is the twelve steps of bonding. This is an idea originally proposed by Desmond Morris and it goes through the steps taken in a relationship. If the steps are taken in the intended order, it leads to a fulfilling relationship and this "maximum sexual fulfillment" that is the overarching theme of this sermon series.
Stage One of this process is called "Leaving." Basically, this is when individuals are no longer content with clinging to their parents and begin to pursue a member of the opposite sex.
Step 1: Eye to Body (When two individuals see each other's bodies)
Step 2: Eye to Eye (When two individuals notice each other)
Step 3: Voice to Voice (Now communication begins)
The next steps fall into Stage Two, which is called "Cleaving." This is when an individual begins to cling to the member of the opposite sex.
Step 4: Hand to Hand (aka holding hands)
Step 5: Arm to Shoulder (Putting your arm around the other person's shoulder)
Step 6: Arm to Waist (While Step 5 is a very openly used method of physical contact, putting your arm around someone else's waist has deep connotations toward a relationship and would not be used with someone you knew only causally)
Now we move on to Stage Three, which is "Advanced Cleaving."
Step 7: Face to Face (This is commonly referred to as kissing)
Step 8: Hand to Head (Touching someone else's face is generally reserved for a relationship setting or special occasions such as in a doctor-patient relationship or even for someone like a hairdresser)
Step 9: Hand to Body (We'll look at this more closely in the next sermon)
This is where the marriage line is drawn. Any relationship outside marriage is not to pass Step 9. However, in the context of covenantal marriage, we move onto Stage Four, which is "Naked."
Step 10: Breasts (This is where the male fascination with a woman's breast comes in)
Step 11: Hand to Privates
The last stage (Stage Five) is called "One Flesh."
Step 12: Intercourse
With that, I'll finish up this post. The next sermon will be a look into Song of Solomon.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 1 (Sunday, November 14, 2010)
Sex - A Candid Convo Part 1 (Sky94 Service) [Listen Here]
Starting this off I'd like to be candid and say I've really been debating whether or not to try and tackle this sermon series. Even as I'm typing this I'm debating whether or not I'll just leave this as a draft and not actually put it on the blog. Sitting in church on Sunday, I kept thinking "I'm not going to type this all out. This is the first post after Alliance; I'm not going to do this." However, Pastor Jim Garlow (who was giving the sermon) kept pointing out the importance of this topic. On the other hand, this is the internet, so I may have to edit out portions of the sermon - we'll have to see how "candid" this sermon turns out to be.
When it comes down to it, Pastor Garlow is right. This is an important topic. The world has utterly destroyed and defiled sexuality, while the religious world largely places it equal to a sin and act as if it is the painful downfall of being a human (something to never be spoken of). There will be four parts to this sermon series, for those wondering. This is more of a prelude of things to come in the next three weeks.
First, let's look at Genesis 1:26, which says:
Skipping ahead a little, the next point - which I will actually have something to say about this time - is found in Genesis 2:18, which reads:
Keeping this in mind, we'll skip to Genesis 2:24-25, and that passage goes like this:
The final scripture I'd like to draw your attention to is Genesis 4:1. It says:
God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created woman that the two might fully know each other. What a gift. Sex is a sacred thing from God. So what do you think Satan would love to tear apart? The sacredness of sex. This world has fallen right into the trap of the devil by terribly destroying the act of sex. To give you an idea, I'd like to present you with some statistics that Pastor Garlow ran through. As has been mentioned in this blog before (Alliance Part 2, I believe), there has been a great desensitization of our generation, so these statistic may be no more than numbers to you, but I'd like you to take a few moments and contemplate the magnitude of these number and picture the individuals they describe.
Currently in the United States, there are 100,000 women and children being trafficked for sex. The majority are girls between the ages of 9-19 and the average age is 11. 11! That's a fifth grader! Being sold for sex.
It's estimated that two million people have had sex with a stranger, because they've been kidnapped.
I don't know for sure, but I imagine when people get married the majority of them don't want their spouse to cheat on them. However, it's estimated that 60% of husbands and 40% of wives will have an affair at least once in the course of their marriage.
50% of first-time marriages end in divorce. And the percent only increases with successive marriages. On the other hand, it's estimated that only 1 in every 1000 Christian couples who read the Bible and pray daily will get a divorce.
These statistics only just touch the surface of the corruption of sex today. So why is this happening? Why has the sacred act of sex - of marriage - been torn apart so terribly.
It's estimated that approximately half of divorces can trace their cause to online pornography.
12% of websites on the internet are for porn.
This is an area that Christians fail in miserably. It's estimated that 47% of Christian homes have a problem with porn addiction (addiction being the key word there, because that's what it is).
That's just a small look at the big picture. In the next three weeks, Pastor Garlow will go over many of the ideas presented above and answer some question regarding sex and the Christian lifestyle. However, before I end this post, Pastor Garlow closed with this. It's important to remember that your sexual life and spiritual life are one in the same. They grow together. Your sex life is not something to be ashamed of (if done in the proper context), and intercourse was definitely not the original sin. Sex is not a sin at all. It's a gift - when done right.
That ends this preview of the sermon series to come. I'd encourage you to be at Sky94 (Skyline Church at 7PM on Sunday) for this series. The world has given us all so much misinformation - from the sexually distorted and obsessed media to the sex-phobic religious community - and it's important for everyone to understand God's two cents on this topic, because, as Pastor Garlow is fairly well known for saying, "Sex was God's idea, and next to salvation it was His best."
Starting this off I'd like to be candid and say I've really been debating whether or not to try and tackle this sermon series. Even as I'm typing this I'm debating whether or not I'll just leave this as a draft and not actually put it on the blog. Sitting in church on Sunday, I kept thinking "I'm not going to type this all out. This is the first post after Alliance; I'm not going to do this." However, Pastor Jim Garlow (who was giving the sermon) kept pointing out the importance of this topic. On the other hand, this is the internet, so I may have to edit out portions of the sermon - we'll have to see how "candid" this sermon turns out to be.
When it comes down to it, Pastor Garlow is right. This is an important topic. The world has utterly destroyed and defiled sexuality, while the religious world largely places it equal to a sin and act as if it is the painful downfall of being a human (something to never be spoken of). There will be four parts to this sermon series, for those wondering. This is more of a prelude of things to come in the next three weeks.
First, let's look at Genesis 1:26, which says:
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”(NIV)I honestly don't have much to say on this verse at the moment. The important thing to draw your attention to is the phrase "in our own image." Pastor Garlow claims there is something very important in that, and will take apart that phrase and analyze it in the coming weeks. I guess you'll just have to read the rest of this sermon series to find out (or better yet, come to Sky94).
Skipping ahead a little, the next point - which I will actually have something to say about this time - is found in Genesis 2:18, which reads:
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”Up until this point in the creation process God had created something and said, "That is good." However, when He created mankind, for the first time He said something was not good. As many of you know, He then created Eve. This suggests - I'd assert it more than suggests but plainly states - that man and woman are meant to be together.
Keeping this in mind, we'll skip to Genesis 2:24-25, and that passage goes like this:
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.At this point, God not only says that He created man to "become one flesh" (have sex), but that "they felt no shame." In pure innocence, Adam and Eve felt no shame. There is no shame in sex, so long as it follows God's rules. Sex is a gift from God. Pastor Garlow says that God wants humans to have maximum sexual fulfillment. He has put guidelines on sex, not to "ruin the fun," but so that each person can have this maximum sexual fulfillment. [Note from the author of this blog: If you think that's ridiculous and that God's just trying to keep something from you, think about this. Who created sex? God. Who created you? God. Who do you think knows best about how a person can have the best sexual experience possible? My money is on the One that created both. I'd say humans have proven well enough over the course of history that when you think you're smarter than God, you're wrong.] God has certainly laid out those guidelines clearly. Song of Solomon is basically a guide on sex. Anyway, in recap, there is no shame in sex when it's within the framework of God's plan.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (NIV)
The final scripture I'd like to draw your attention to is Genesis 4:1. It says:
Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.” (NIV)
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, and said, “I have acquired a man from the LORD.” (NKJ)Other versions of this passage may use "made love to" or "slept with" or a similar phrase. However, the Hebrew word used there is "yadah." The New King James (and King James) versions come the closest by literally translating the word as "knew." "Yadah" means to know fully - physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. God has created sex so that man and woman can fully know each other.
God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created woman that the two might fully know each other. What a gift. Sex is a sacred thing from God. So what do you think Satan would love to tear apart? The sacredness of sex. This world has fallen right into the trap of the devil by terribly destroying the act of sex. To give you an idea, I'd like to present you with some statistics that Pastor Garlow ran through. As has been mentioned in this blog before (Alliance Part 2, I believe), there has been a great desensitization of our generation, so these statistic may be no more than numbers to you, but I'd like you to take a few moments and contemplate the magnitude of these number and picture the individuals they describe.
Currently in the United States, there are 100,000 women and children being trafficked for sex. The majority are girls between the ages of 9-19 and the average age is 11. 11! That's a fifth grader! Being sold for sex.
It's estimated that two million people have had sex with a stranger, because they've been kidnapped.
I don't know for sure, but I imagine when people get married the majority of them don't want their spouse to cheat on them. However, it's estimated that 60% of husbands and 40% of wives will have an affair at least once in the course of their marriage.
50% of first-time marriages end in divorce. And the percent only increases with successive marriages. On the other hand, it's estimated that only 1 in every 1000 Christian couples who read the Bible and pray daily will get a divorce.
These statistics only just touch the surface of the corruption of sex today. So why is this happening? Why has the sacred act of sex - of marriage - been torn apart so terribly.
It's estimated that approximately half of divorces can trace their cause to online pornography.
12% of websites on the internet are for porn.
This is an area that Christians fail in miserably. It's estimated that 47% of Christian homes have a problem with porn addiction (addiction being the key word there, because that's what it is).
That's just a small look at the big picture. In the next three weeks, Pastor Garlow will go over many of the ideas presented above and answer some question regarding sex and the Christian lifestyle. However, before I end this post, Pastor Garlow closed with this. It's important to remember that your sexual life and spiritual life are one in the same. They grow together. Your sex life is not something to be ashamed of (if done in the proper context), and intercourse was definitely not the original sin. Sex is not a sin at all. It's a gift - when done right.
That ends this preview of the sermon series to come. I'd encourage you to be at Sky94 (Skyline Church at 7PM on Sunday) for this series. The world has given us all so much misinformation - from the sexually distorted and obsessed media to the sex-phobic religious community - and it's important for everyone to understand God's two cents on this topic, because, as Pastor Garlow is fairly well known for saying, "Sex was God's idea, and next to salvation it was His best."
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